these days i miss you again, not in a way that i've missed you before, but in a way that makes me wish you could get over this hill between us. whatever keeps you in your frozen state, making the motions but never progressing. what makes you, as i know you must, wake up in fear that people who have actually long forgotten you are somehow framing their lives around your return.

of course, there is nothing between us, and to even imagine something as significant as a hill is to overestimate you.

but i hold out this hope, and in this hope i miss you, that when i leave a comment on your journal, the realization that i am still here, still reading, still acknowledging your presence, doesn't send you flying fearfully into the next galaxy. a hope that you smile instead and fondly recall times past, with a great ability to forget the pieces of us that went wrong.

this is where i am, and where i fear you will never be. and i fear your idea of courage will forever be to mentally block those from your past from becoming any part of your present or future.