don't look so surprised that i still listen to your music.

despite what you may think, i never listened to it just because i wanted to make you happy or because i felt bad criticizing you or because i wanted you to like me or because i just liked everything and you were a part of everything.

and i never told you it was good for any of those reasons, either.

and somehow, i'm the one who is surprised by the fact that i still love it all as much as i once did. i still see the same faults and weaknesses, surrounded by the same strengths, in lyrics, music, guitar work. i still love the way the strings sound and i still prefer your playing without a pick.

everytime i hear "blackbird" i think of two things. the first is r - well yes, he was my original beatles influence.

the second is this: it was the first song you ever played for me in person, the first time i could ever feel your hands move with the music, the first time i knew what the chords looked like. i asked you to sing it and oh how reluctant you were! - as if you hadn't sung a million songs for me before. like your voice was any less perfect with me leaning against you instead of me leaning against the back of my chair, with you in my eyes instead of the sparkle of my own christmas lights.

no, it's all still a treasure to me. never think it was so temporary.