we used to have so many words for each other. that was all we had for so long. photos, phonecalls, but words words words. and then you played a song that became ours. it's only words, and words are all i have, to take your heart away.

it is an odd time of year for me. seeing a single tree with leaves tinged brown or red or yellow makes me happy. nobody around me understands this like i know you would. last year at this time, i fell in love with autumn, hard. you talked about walking down paths through the trees and wearing coats and taking pictures. in my heart i cherish those words and keep them close. when i am doing that, alone?, you will be with me.

i made a new mix cd. the cover sheet colors and textures remind me of a light cooler-weather afghan. does it remind me of you? partly. don't they all, in a way.

most days it's a dreamy season of breezes through the window and the smell of dying leaves that i pull around me like a fall coat.

do you understand this? it isn't you i want, but the thoughts you put in my head. and so often i'm happy just wrapping myself in them and letting my brain wander with your hand in mine. your fingers are freezing. you have no face. but i remember the color of the jacket you didn't wear.