there is a photograph on the calendar near my desk of motion at night, in bright orange colors, swirling so fast that everything is blurred, endless. lately i feel like that, too. that's why i'm writing to you here.

oddly, as the weather cools, i think of you immediately. why is that? do i just equate it to last year at this time, when my life was spinning out of control faster than the calendar photo? despite how all of that ended, it wasn't so bad in the meantime. and i don't think of it now with anything but a smile.

what my brain forgets over time, my heart remembers forever. i can listen to each of your songs and feel exactly what i felt the first time i heard them.

it might be dangerous, this shift in my focus, this sudden return of a need for freedom. but you would never let it be a true danger, would you?

i do miss you, though.